Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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