Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
