Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
