So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
