I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
