So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
