fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
