Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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