Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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