Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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