You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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