I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
