I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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