I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
did i walk over a car last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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