I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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