weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
