I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
