mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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