I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
