I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
