the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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