Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
