PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
