and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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