The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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