I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
