PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am available for nakedness
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
