Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
