Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
