I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
