Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
