if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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