woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
