She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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