I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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