So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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