I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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