Who did Billy Mays play for?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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