remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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