When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
