hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
