hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
