It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
