I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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