So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
