I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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