oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
