I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
