he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
