what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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