Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
accomplished twins. life is a go
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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