I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
