Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
