counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
