morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
