I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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