haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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