I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MIDGETS
????
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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