New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
