just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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