Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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