I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize