Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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