if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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