Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
