So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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