I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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