Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
