This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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