First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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