At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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