How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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