sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.