I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
