That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
