Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
