your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My pussy is not your playground.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
