She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
