Your tits are I can't wait for
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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