You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
