I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
