Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
