i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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