i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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